A Lesson in Practical Politics from Isaac Asimov
1972 from The Gods Themselves:
“Let me give you a lesson in practical politics…It is a mistake…to suppose that the public wants the environment protected or their lives saved and that they will be greatful to any idealist who will fight for such ends. What the public wants is their own individual comfort.”
Do We “Deserve” to be happy?
I made the statement to Krislinatin that people deserve to be happy. She disagreed. It was then I realized that most Christians I know would recoil at the idea we deserve happiness.
So I thought I would defend my thinking and hopefully help some people who are miserable Christians find a little bit less misery.
I have a daily prayer/affirmation/mantra/none-of-the-above that goes like this:
Help me to do the things today that provide the greatest long-term happiness and fulfillment for me, my family, my friends, my community and my world.
Many Christians struggle with the idea of pursuing personal happiness because they believe one or more of these:
- Happiness is found by sinning - or worse, happiness is ONLY found by sinning
- Pursuing happiness is purposeless and God wants me to only do things with a Kingdom purpose
- Happiness is a limited commodity and the more of it “I” have the less others around me will have
- Happiness is selfish
- Jesus wasn’t happy so we shouldn’t be happy
- The more miserable I am the closer I am to God
- God doesn’t want me to be happy or to pursue happiness
What do you think? Did you ever or do you believe some of these to be true? Why?
How to Start a Bus Ministry
I’ve been inspired. Maybe it was God, maybe it was just my overactive imagination, but there is no doubt I have been inspired.
WARNING: I AM ABOUT TO GIVE YOU THE UNVARNISHED TRUTH EVERY PASTOR HAS THOUGHT IN THEIR HEAD BUT WOULD NEVER DARE TO SAY OUT LOUD.
I have never been a big fan of bus ministry.
There are lots of problems with bus ministry. First, the poor kids are the ones who most often frequent the bus. It gives their parents free baby sitting while they sleep off their hangover. And as we all know, poor kids are the most likely to set a pew on fire in the middle of the childrens’ sermon.
So in order to keep the poor mini-demons little angels in check, you have to find the most compliant woman in the congregation and order tell ask her to “help” with the rug rant ankle biters Jesus’ little ones.
But that’s not all.
Our goal needs to be to reach not just the children, but their parents as well. In fact, studies have demonstrated that when you can get the father in church the entire family will follow. With the parents there the kids will be taken care of and problems are solved.
So this week I was inspired when I heard about an innovative bus ministry focused on getting MEN on the bus. Check it out. I can’t wait to start one here.
Sex, Birthdays and Jehovah’s Knockers
[Note: I am trying not to ignore this blog. I’m still breaking in the butt groove, and I appreciate those of you who have mostly patiently waited for me to do my monkey dance and entertain you. Well, the monkey’s gonna dance a little this morning.]
Thanks to Kevin Kolack.
Thursday was my birthday. XLV. (That’s Roman Numeral Lingo for 45–ladies take note: When asked your age you can always answer in Roman numerals–what? XXIX again?) My redhead got me some special pictures. And, no, you cannot see them–or at least not most of them. I will show you a shot from my camera phone of my new desktop image–it’s sufficiently blurry so she won’t be embarrassed. You can compare it with the old desktop image here.
It was also Justin’s XXV and Lou FCD’s Jane (guessing XXIX is always safe.)
Last Saturday I heard a knock at the door and was surprised to see a matched set of Jehovah’s Knockers in the flesh. No, I don’t mean there was a crew here filming a “Gods Gone Wild” video, it was a couple of Jehovah’s Witnesses. They stopped by to chat. They were nervous when I instantly invited them in, but they quickly realized I am just a big, loving, stud-muffin teddy-bear.
Our talk was actually pretty cool. They are a married couple, he teaches physics at a near-by High School and she teaches Middle School math. They were mostly rational and were able to question some of their own beliefs when I pointed out some problems with those beliefs.
I don’t really have an agenda for them to believe something different than they do–which I guess is some growth for me–but it was kewl to talk about faith to someone who wasn’t completely closed minded.
They left me with a book to read. I find it interesting that in order to evangelize in one of the most illiterate parts of the Estados Unidos they bring a book. To read. But I digress.
The book was pretty interesting. No sugar coating what they believe. 144,000 is all that’s goin’ to heaven baby. Everyone else is just either left to paradise on earth or is zapped with God’s cosmic incinerator beam. As in “no eternal fire”, just annihilation.
I figure based on my past behavior I am in the top 100K or so, so I gots nothin’ to worry about yo.
One thing I did find interesting about the book was its use of Neuro-Linguistic Programming Language (often called “NLP”). NLP was initially developed to help people in counseling overcome major issues quickly. Over the years it has been expanded and used in all sorts of situations. One of them is in creating persuasive language to get people to think or believe certain thoughts.
“These aren’t the droids you’re looking for.” Yeah, like that.
In persuasion a simple explanation works something like this: You develop empathy with the reader (”as you sit reading this…”), identify the negative emotion he is experiencing (”you will be tempted to think this isn’t true…”), then tie it to the emotional response you want him to have (”but as you read on you will discover this is exactly what the Bible teaches.”)
A note for NLP buffs: As you read that last paragraph you were probably thinking my explanation lacked enough precision and was slightly misleading, but you as you ponder it you realize it is a pretty good explanation to give a layman a picture of NLP.
Many people will occasionally and without intent to manipulate use NLP tactics even when they have never even heard of them. That may be the case with this book. It may be the person who wrote it simply has a persuasive style.
Side Note about NLP: I have wanted to try writing in an NLP style first person narrative fiction about a serial killer. I thought it would be interesting to see if you could create a completely heinous and irremediable character that, through the use of subtle NLP, was seen with complete empathy by the reader. “Don’t you see? He HAD to decapitate and eat her? It wasn’t his fault.” Unfortunately when it comes to fiction I am but a Padawan, Elise is the Jedi.
Getting back to our story…
So Jehovah’s Knockers are supposed to come back. They even got my phone number–though they didn’t give me theirs. Hmmmm. I’ll probably write some more in my continuing saga of How I Handled Jehovah’s Knockers. Stay tuned.
Oh, and about the sex…I just put that in the title so you would read this. Sucker.
Divorce: When Is It Time to Throw In the Towel?
My redhead and I have been talking about divorce.
[I considered just letting that last statement stand to see what you guys would say, but them someone would end up in tears and I would have then had to apologize…so I will explain.]
Now we are not CONTEMPLATING divorce, just talking about the topic.
We have a number of couples in their 40’s and 50’s who have been married for 20+ years who are miserable.
I don’t mean “he’s” miserable or “she’s” miserable, I mean they are both miserable in their relationship and have been for some years. They all have kids and, like I said, have been married for umpteen years.
They try everything they can NOT to be together. They argue. They can’t agree on any sense of direction or goal for their lives or their children.
In case you’re wondering: In several cases they are still having sex, though it isn’t very frequent. You’ve heard of “friends with benefits”? They’re more like “enemies with benefits”.
So my redhead and I have been talking amongst ourselves about whether dropping the “D-bomb” might make everyone–even their kids–happier.
But then the “what if” kicks in and we start wondering, “what if” it just seems to them they haven’t been happy with their partner in years? What if this is a stage in their marriage and if they bail now they will regret it?
So what’s your input…what factors would you think are important in choosing whether or not divorce is a beneficial thing?
Oh, and for the Bible thumpers, here are a couple of verses from the mouth of G to the D:
Malachi 2:16
“I hate divorce,” says the LORD God of Israel
Jeremiah 3:8
I gave faithless Israel her certificate of divorce.
Redheads are Touble
I heard about a contest today–about 20 minutes after it closed–but I wanted to create an entry anyway even if it couldn’t be an entry.
The goal is to create a 140 character story–short enough to be a twitter message. Here’s mine:
He awoke, his back scared with crimson claw marks, his muscles and head hurting, no memory of last night. Except Her.
Redheads are trouble.
If you want to try it, post a 140 character story below in the comments. Not “no more than” 140 characters, EXACTLY 140 characters.
Pick is of Zoe Hunter, scream queen actress.
Evolution in Action
One of the carrion cries of the anti-evolution crowd is to say evolution has never been observed. This is, of course, despite this, and this.
This week there is an example of “super fast” evolution.
Back in the 1940’s the threespine stickleback fish of Lake Washington had it tough. Predators were after them like a greasy chubby fingered Appalachian woman sucking down a KFC chicken drumstick.
Luckily the stickleback had developed its own armor to escape the sharp jaws of its adversaries–unfortunately for the chicken even extra crispy was no defense from even toothless, duster wearing hillbilly women.
But by the 1960’s Lake Washington was a mess. There was so much sewage being pumped into the lake that algae thrived, reducing visibility to only a few feet and making it much tougher for the stickleback’s enemies to see them.
As a result, by the 1960’s, the stickleback had lost its steel plating. (OK, they weren’t made of steel, they were actually made of fish scales, but steel plating sounded much better.)
It was a good time to be a stickleback. Lots of algae to feed on, blind predators, gas was 25 cents a gallon. Yes, a fine time indeed.
But then man stepped in again and did what most would consider a good thing: We cleaned up the lake. Visibility went from a few feet to over 25 feet.
But guess what happened to the stickleback? Did they give up? Did they move to Florida? No! They just evolved their scales again.
Pretty cool, huh?
Here’s the story for you Christians who believe evolution is a lie: The real lie is when our God has to be supported by falsehood. Evolution is a reality, but despite what you have been told, that reality doesn’t have anything to do with whether God is real or not.
Details here:
http://www.fhcrc.org/about/ne/news/2008/05/15/reverse_evolution.html
Porn Star Finds Jesus (and Her Clothes)
Erica Campbell has found Jesus.
Erica, after a career filled with a couple high points, has abruptly closed down her private site–Club Erica Campbell–after finding Jesus. On her website she explains how Jesus fills her deep hole:
I too started out to make some extra money to help me finish school. Almost ALL of the time It doesn’t end where you think it will…..the path goes on……the hole gets deeper….I have been looking so long and so hard for someone to love me. Love ME for ME. Fill that hole…I have found the one thing that can, will and DOES fill that void…and that’s GOD.
Good for you Erica. Seriously. There are lots of women who are beautiful on the outside but are tormented by selling their body for the sexual gratification of others. In fact, some less than beautiful women are also tormented–but in some cases its when they look at beautiful women and realize no one would ever pay to see them naked. Then there are the many overweight computer jockeys who will only have the chance to view naked women with the aid of a mouse. They’re tormented too.
I am glad, however, you have found peace in Christ. That your long, hard search to fill your gaping hole is over.
To demonstrate the dramatic change Erica has made, here are some pics of her before her transformation (Click on Thumb to see the NSFW full shots/videos - opens in new window):
If you liked this post you need to go read:
Christian Porn: Meet Your Sister in Christ (NSFW)
Catholicism for the Retarded
Godless Authorities Thwart Resurrection
Godless Authorities Thwart Resurrection
A family in Florida were prevented by authorities from completing their time of prayer for the resurrection of the 90 year old in their care.
“Sister Mary Bernadett” Lewis had placed 90 year old Magdeline Alvina Middlesworth on the toilet March 4th. Middlesworth apparently died there moments later.
Instead of calling an ambulance or other authorities, Sister Mary Bernadett called her spiritual advisor Bishop John Peter Bushey. Bushey advised her that God had told him Middlesworth would be resurrected–and to keep praying and cashing her Social Security checks until that occurred. “This kind can only be saved by prayer and cashing” he is reported to have said.
Unfortunately, after just two months of prayer and cashing, authorities arrested Sister Mary and Bishop Bushey and rushed the decaying but yet about to be resurrected body of Middlesworth to the county coroner’s office for an immediate autopsy–thus making resurrection unlikely.
Another example of the government interfering with the free expression of faith.
(For the AP article, click here.)
A Letter to My Old Blog Friends
Dear Old Blog Friends,
For the last three months I have been silent on my previous four blogs with the exception of the occasional comment. If you’ve been wondering where I’ve been, you’re about to find out.
Several years ago I was in a pickle. Dill, not sweet. I was without a job with an ailing redhead and two boys who had a terribly expensive food addiction. Having no alternatives, I began writing. I wrote lots of things, at first religious and then technical, realizing I couldn’t make enough money writing just religious stuff.
(That’s worked out well, by the way, as it would be tough to get work writing for Christian publications given my current state of belief.)
I persevered and made a nice pile of money. Enough to live on comfortably, be generous with others, take vacations, pay for college, etc. I created and sold a couple web sites.
But I didn’t enjoy it. I did it, but it wasn’t what I wanted to be doing.
So over the last year or so I spent a good deal of time finding myself. Turns out I was under the sofa.
I came to a disturbing discovery. I wanted to start getting paid for writing funny.
In general I am an optimist. But I was not in any way optimistic about my ability to earn money writing funny stuff. I put up this site, put into it some things I knew would be necessary if I was going to make any money, and then was terrified to pursue it.
Even though I would tell everyone else—my kids, my friends, Hillary Clinton—to pursue their dreams, I was having trouble taking that advice myself.
It’s even hard to write this silly post.
So, today, I am publicly sucking it up and pursuing my dream of writing what I want to write and getting paid for it. I figure I need about 30K visitors a month to make my nut.
I promise to be funny if you promise to tell your friends.
And somehow, somewhere some advertisers will like me and decide to buy a spot on my blog, in my emails, in my RSS feed or all three.
And then I can afford to get that collectors edition Betty Paige blow-up doll I’ve been wanting.